Intentional… Friend or Foe?

Intentional.

(sigh)

Intentional is aggressive.

Intentional is direct.

Intentional is demanding.

Intentional is comforting.

Intentional is peaceful.

Intentional” has been my word of the year for the past five years, and honestly…

I still cannot decide if it is friend or foe.

Being intentional about every area of my life?

WOW.

At first, the word made me feel like a thriving adult.

The kind of adult who has it all together.

The clock strikes midnight…

the New Year begins…

and suddenly it is time to become
“intentional"

So naturally, I decided to jump straight into the deep end of the intentional pool.

And very quickly…

I realized how aggressive intentional can be.

Intentional required a self-audit.

(eye rolls)

Intentional looked under the bed.

In the bathroom.

Inside the kitchen cabinets.

In the refrigerator.

Under the kitchen sink.

Intentional even looked at my calendars — yes, calendars with an “s” — and my cell phone.

Nothing was off limits.

Intentional got very direct about its role in my life.

It started pointing out all my guilty pleasures.

Mindlessly scrolling TikTok.

Watching live platforms that recapped the day’s messy drama.

And honestly?

I even purchased an auto-tap so it would continue tapping engagement while I feasted on the day’s drama delicacies.

Yes.

Intentional saw all of it.

Then intentional became demanding.

It started demanding that I create more effective systems.

Systems that would help me intentionally make decisions based on those systems…

instead of making every decision emotionally, impulsively, or out of guilt.

Almost like automating certain choices.

For example:

When evaluating an invitation that requires my presence, intentional started asking questions like:

Will this add value?

Or am I simply attending because I feel obligated?

Am I supporting a family member?

Will this experience align with where I currently am mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically?

And then…

intentional became comforting.

Because intentional held my hand while I struggled to say “no.”

And honestly?

Learning that “no” is a complete sentence has been one of the hardest lessons for me.

Intentionally saying “no” felt uncomfortable at first.

Almost unnatural.

In the past, I would endure extreme overstimulation and nervous system overload before finally deciding to decline an experience.

By that point, my body had already paid the price for not listening sooner.

But intentionally saying “no” to certain experiences has created a more peaceful day-to-day life.

A softer life.

A quieter life.

A more aligned life.

And maybe that is the part of intentionality people do not talk about enough.

Sometimes intentionality is not about doing more.

Sometimes it is about choosing less…

on purpose.

Peacefully choosing experiences that align with your journey.

And yes, the journey may still require stretching.

Healing.

Strengthening.

Growth.

But that kind of stretching feels different.

It affects the nervous system differently.

It carries purpose instead of chaos.

So now…

after years of wrestling with this word…

I think intentional may actually be both friend and foe.

Because intentional will confront you.

But intentional will also protect you.

Intentional will expose what is draining you.

And intentional will gently guide you toward what is growing you.

So I ask you gently:

How are you being intentional?

And maybe the deeper question…

What is your current level of intentionality costing you?

Or protecting you from?