In Relationship

“In relationship.”

Such a short phrase…
but a powerful one.

Growing up, I was excited — probably like some of y’all — to introduce my newest friend to my mama.

Relationships were so easy in those early years.

You meet someone on the merry-go-round…
and just like that…
you’re best friends.

Instant.

Carefree.

Even if you never saw them again, something real formed in that moment.

A connection.

A shared joy.

A simple “we like each other” kind of bond.

Fast forward a few years…

and relationships become a little more complicated.

A little more layered.

A little more… intentional.

That’s when I started noticing the difference between
having a relationship
and being
in relationship.

Having a relationship is very general.

We have relationships with random cashiers.

The cashier might remember you bring your reusable shopping bags.

I have a relationship with my nail tech.

She knows I like a medium-length French tip.

But we are not in relationship.

That exchange is simple.

She provides a service.
I pay.

It’s consistent… but it’s transactional.

Being in relationship is different.

There is presence.

There is awareness.

There is mutual pouring.

There is growth.

Take a quiet moment and do a quick assessment of your relationships.

Where do they fall?

I did that.

And what I realized was… uncomfortable.

I was overly invested in relationships that were not growing…

and honestly, were not going to grow.

At the same time, I found myself pulled into spaces that looked like connection…

but were not pouring anything back into me.

TikTok had me hooked on messy, drama-filled platforms…

full of relationships that were hard to define…

hard to understand…

and even harder to learn from.

Meanwhile, some of the relationships I had carried for years…

were sitting still.

Not because they were bad.

But because they had become one-way pours.

And TikTok?

There was no pouring happening there either.

Just noise.

Then I heard it.

Not loud…

but clear.

“Pour into what grows you.”

The loudest whisper I have ever heard.

And also… one of the hardest things to put into practice.

 

“Knock, knock.”

Discernment… are you there?

I really need your help.

 

Through discernment, I started to see differently.

I began to recognize where I was truly in relationship.

Where the pouring was mutual.

Where something meaningful was growing.

Where there was overflow — not just for me…

but for everyone involved.

And I also learned something just as important:

To limit access to my presence.

Because not everyone is meant to have full access.

Not every connection is meant to be cultivated.

Not every relationship is meant to deepen.

And that is okay.

Some relationships are seasonal.

Some are functional.

Some are passing.

And some…

are meant to be tended like a Garden.

 

Where there is mutual care.

Mutual presence.

Mutual pouring.

Where what is planted… actually grows.

     

So I ask you gently:

Where are you simply having a relationship?

And where are you truly in relationship?

 

And maybe the deeper question…

Where are you pouring
that is not growing?

And where are you being invited
to pour… differently?

   

Because everything does not need your energy.

But what is meant for you…

will grow when you tend it well.